What is Coaching - with me?
- dawnjchurch
- Dec 8, 2023
- 5 min read
The International Coaching Federation (the primary governing body of the coaching world) has this to say about coaching:
“ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. The process of coaching often unlocks previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity and leadership.”
That’s a pretty on point definition of coaching, actually.
My approach is a little "yes, and," to this, but I'll get to that in a sec.
In practice..
A coach and client work together through conversation and exercise to support the client holding beliefs, mapping visions, and taking actions that empower their flourishing - aka living the life they want to live as the best version of themselves. The coach should have a methodology or modality behind their conversation approach and a box full of tools and exercises to work with.
Coaching is different from:
Advising: I don't tell you what you should do - I hold space for you to create your own solutions and define your own outcome.
Mentoring: It’s not about imparting my wisdom - it’s about cultivating yours.
COACHING WITH ME
Is, yes, all of that. I work with you to love where you're at, release what's no longer serving you, and cultivate any visions you have for the future.
My practice approach and tool set are my own unique circling-based tempering of Science + Heart and a little bit of magic.
Here's what that means - and what it means for you:
1. My coaching is circling-based
I am first and foremost, a circling-based coach. I started tempering my formal holding-space, listening-with, noticing, tracking, and welcoming-and-appreciating skills in the fires of Authentic Relating and Circling (AR+C) in 2010. The fundamentals are core to my daily lived experience and my marriage (literally, we wrote our vows inspired by them). AR+C is the best method I know to train and do self-development through the lens of relationship - which is essentially, what the foundation and function of coaching is.
For you, this means you have a coach that starts from welcoming and seeing you exactly as you are now. I listen with my whole body and have a high degree of skill when it comes to articulating and reflecting the nuances of my experience while connecting with you. These nuances can be great little breadcrumbs that, with curiosity and welcome, can lead to major insights.
2. I take a science + heart approach
Much as I love the wild-west of the self-development world (AR+C is a self-development modality), it’s not a perfect approach on its own - nor is it where my curiosity ends.
SCIENCE
The brain and the whole body is fascinating. (Man, I love neuroscience…) I love the science of psychology in general, and I view science and academic research as an essential component to any people-development type practice. I formally studied psychology in college and earned a Positive Psychology credential to temper social intuition with facts. A lot of the tools and exercises I use as homework are sourced from the science and evidenced-based world.
But, science and academia are not perfect. Higher education programs tend to focus more on the methods of research than practicum, particularly as a PhD program, and sooooo much of the research is focused on explaining and fixing what’s wrong. Very little is focused on exploring and expanding what’s right (hence the creation of positive psychology).
SCIENCE is solidly documented, and therefore, pretty trustworthy, but slow to progress. It may be limitted and behind the times, but it is uniquely valuable.
Science can only ever explore what a scientist witnesses in the world - their interactions with friends, the resilience they see in persistent kids, the way in which community members support each other, etc. Science is inspired by the lived experience of the self - or, the "heart" that drives the world.
HEART
I generally use "heart" as an umbrella for all things self-development, cultural wisdom, social wisdom, and personal wisdom - yours and mine.
SELF-DEVELOPMENT is innovative, but is generally based on intuition or contemplative perspective and isn't wholly backed by rigorous testing and documentation. It may be less trustworthy than science - but it is uniquely valuable.
CULTURAL WISDOM is ancient - these are the lessons passed down and refined by our ancestors through millenia. Cultural wisdom is tested by time, but not empiricism. It's not always right for today's culture - but it is uniquely valuable.
SOCIAL WISDOM is new and collective - these are the lessons we are having and co-creating in real time. Social wisdom is awesomely insightful for it's proximity to the real-time experience of all of us existing in our collective living conditions with each other. But, social wisdom is often reactive and based on a limitted snap-shot of present time norms - but it is uniquely valuable.
You are the singular expert on you. YOUR PERSONAL WISDOM in our coaching is irreplaceably, uniquely valuable. MY PERSONAL WISDOM is a culmination of lived experience, a ton of my own development, formal study, and intuition - it is uniquely valuable. For both of us, our wisdom is limited by what we have thus far experienced - you don't know what you don't know - but, it is uniquely valuable.
For you, this means you have a coach that sees unique value in every form of wisdom, and takes them all with a little grain of salt. Drawing from education and training in multiple angles and lenses, you get an approach that is driven by heart and supported by empirical, evidence-based science.
3. And a little bit of magic
My practice is also tempered with a touch of spiritual practice - a fair amount of which I learned from my own coach and mentor, Sarah Entrup. Depending on the type of work we’re doing and your appreciation for "woo" (or lack thereof), I may lean a little more or less on tools like parts work, visualization, and meditation in our sessions.
For you, this ultimately means that you have a coach who has done their own homework. I've been in the seat of personal transformation, and I know what it takes and what it feels like. Whether we lean into the woo together or not, my experience in this work has tempered me, as a person, and ultimately, a better coach.
The best approach is inclusive of all forms of wisdom
In general, I combine the best elements of Science + Heart and a little bit of magic to create the most complete, holistic, and tempered approach - one that is stronger than any singular modality could be on it's own.
What you get
Coaching with me is part art form and part structure. You will, first and foremost, feel seen and welcomed exactly as you are now, and then, when you're clear and ready, you'll feel capable and confident in taking action to grow into your next highest self - with a cheerleader, guide, and accountability partner by your side.
I’m biased, but I find this circling-based tempering of Science + Heart and a little bit of magic approach to coaching to be pretty effective at helping people really, really know and love who they are now while simultaneously making progress towards the version of themselves they most want to be - doing the work they want to do, having the love they want have, meeting the goals they want to set, and the living the life they want to live.